There’s plenty bad about the government shutdown. Social service closures, work furloughs, dead air on C-SPAN—You name it, we’re suffering through it. But there are a couple silver linings too, especially for the promotional industry. Check out these surprise upsides of total governmental collapse that are really helping our industry:
1. The USPS is, for once, less terrible
Our favorite government whoopsie-doodle/meat-grinding train wreck, a.k.a. “the United Sates Postal Service,” is for once one of the better-run parts of our government. The organization, which just added defaulting on $5.6 billion in future health benefits to its highlight reel of “there is literally no limit to how much money we can lose,” is still not the worst-run part of our country, in so much that it exists and is open. A nice feather in our country’s cap, all around.
2. Air traffic control and the TSA are still getting paid
If you’re worried that your air travel experiences are going to get worse because of the shutdown, good news! The people responsible for your flights constantly being late and the people who treat you like a criminal and sometimes look at you via a radioactive nudity robot are still getting paid. So, thank god for that. If I had to pick two organizations I’d want funded through the shutdown, it’d be them, and not the CIA, the Department of Health and Human Services, or some other bunch of nonessential losers.
3. The CPSC is only recalling products of “Imminent threat”
According to the New York Times, the CPSC is “stopping recalls of products that don’t present an imminent threat to consumer safety.” So, if you’re looking to import a bunch of non-imminently dangerous products, you’ve got your window! Drinkware that’s “maybe” carcinogenic, kids apparel that’s “flammable-ish,” umbrellas made from “sleeping cobras,” whatever! If it’s not ticking, glowing or a ball of jagged, kid-seeking knives, ship it over!
BONUS!!!: The FDA has “suspended routine establishment inspections and monitoring of imported foods and drugs,” so panda-blood cosmetics for everybody! Hooray!
4. National Parks are cool again (and so are museums)
Appreciating and learning about our country’s history used to be the worst. But now that it’s an actual crime? It’s the perfect way to earn street cred! I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to sneak into the Smithsonian and learn about American plate tectonics. (If that doesn’t get me respect as the office bad-boy, then nothing will.)
5. The IRS is only processing electronic returns
I’m choosing to read this as “If you don’t have documented Internet access, you don’t have to pay taxes,” and I encourage you to do the same.
6. Loan applications for small businesses have ceased
Since the whole reason for this shutdown is arguably a disagreement for what is and isn’t good for small businesses, it’s good to see that a program meant to help small businesses has been shut down in the meantime. Wouldn’t want anyone to get a small business off the ground while our country’s suffering from massively high unemployment or anything.
Pretty solid list, right? Remember, all bad situations have a silver lining!
Thanks for reading guys, and see you all next week!
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MONDAY MIKE FACT: Please god no one actually take that IRS tip.
